06-08-29

Introduction

Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Preston (that's me on the right) and I'm the newest editor here at Theory of People. I've been brought on board because we need some rejuvenation. This is my first goal. Miker and I go way back to the Reform days and thus have worked together much in the past, but hopefully Theory will surpass anything we've ever done before.

Still, having said that, Miker may have made a fatal mistake in hiring me. Being the last remaining non-editor who still visits Theory, he caused regular readership of the site to plummet from 1 to 0.

To illustrate this, I've created two handy charts. The first shows a comparison of regular readership (editors are not included in the regular readership figure.) between yesterday and today:



As you can see, regular readership dropped exactly 100% in only one day.

Furthermore, I demonstrate in this pie chart, the ratio of Staff vs Readership between yesterday and today:



These figures don't look so good, but I don't want this to cause us to lose sight. We can all work past this and UNITE THE RIGH --- oops, sorry, I still sometimes do that. I meant EXPAND THEORY OF PEOPLES READERSHIP!

My secondary goal is to put an end to the vast left-wing, anti-semite conspiracy here at Theory. Israel is one of our most important allies and needs our support more than ever right now to protect its borders from Hezbollah scum. No more can I stand by and watch enemies of freedom like Stumpy attack Israel and the Jews. Let me spell it out for you:

Any anti-Israeli sentiment no matter what the reason = Anti Semitism.

I've seen too many great web comics (Penny Arcade, Married to the Sea etc) corrupted by anti-semitism and I'll be damned if I let it happen here.

As you can see, we have a hard and long road ahead of us, but we'll persevere through.

That's all for now.

- Preston





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06-08-23

Stumpy the Jewish Spidermonkey

I think Ramadan is actually an ancient Peruvian holiday.

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06-08-22

Breaking News


good times

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Planes on a Snake

sweet. it was a good movie.

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AsK Kovier


Kovier answers the questions that matter. Miker questions Kovier on why he bothers to answer the questions that matter. Stumpy asks the questions that matter. Kovier demonstrates the answers to the questions that matter.

end comic storyboard.

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06-08-21

Eggs Benedict Arnold

I tried to make a smart joke. I think I failed.

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06-08-20

Silent Film



You know what game really, really sucks and I wish I never bought it? World of Warcraft...

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Looking Bach

barring who and what Stumpy's Down With Stumpy post is about, if you take his article at face value, it's damn hilarious anyways and still applies to most people on the internet. Stumpy, my hat off to you. this is the kind of articles they put on GOOD websites, like Something Awful

How to Suck at the Internet

Basically anyone can create a webpage, and making a BAD one is no difficult feat either, but if you're going to do something wrong you should at least do it right. So follow these step by step instructions to making something truly horrible.

1. Rip off an already popular and/or good webpage:
Thinking of your own ideas shows creativity and may end up being interesting, so find a webpage that people like and steal their idea. Rest assured, you WILL end up doing a far inferior job. Now, as for specific websites to rip off, hmmmm... oh, I don't know, off the top of my head maybe... Eric Conveys an Emotion

2. Use a free web server, such as LiveJournal (not blogger, blogger is completely different and can clearly contain awesome things):
Paying for web space shows commitment, and commitment may lead to quality or even the ILLUSION of quality. This is to be avoided at all costs.

3. Make references very few people will understand:
Talk about YOUR friends and enemies, make as many inside jokes as possible. Remember: if a stranger reads it and understands what the hell you're talking about you've failed miserably.

4. Fail at your goal:
If you're trying to philosophize don't be deep or insightful. If you're trying to inform people make sure they don't learn anything. And most of all, if you're trying to make people laugh DON'T BE FUNNY! This is by far the most important rule, if you can succeed at failing you will have a top notch shitty webpage in no time. And everyone who sees it will think "Wow, you REALLY suck at the internet".

I hope this was helpful. Now go out there and ruin what is by far the greatest opportunity for the spread of ideas and pornography that mankind has ever had.

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06-08-19

hey

Johnny? What do you mean Barq's has bite? says:
hey man, how are you doin?
The Darwin Code says:
Hey. I'm pretty good, how are you?
Johnny? What do you mean Barq's has bite? says:
i'm good.
The Darwin Code says:
That's good.
Johnny? What do you mean Barq's has bite? says:
yeah it is.
Johnny? What do you mean Barq's has bite? says:
hey, you remember that girl you went out with a long time ago? cassandra?
The Darwin Code says:
Yes, of course I remember her.
The Darwin Code says:
Why do you ask?
Johnny? What do you mean Barq's has bite? says:
do you ever think about her? like miss her and stuff?
The Darwin Code says:
Well, yeah. We were close man, we were going to get married. I loved her. Why do you ask?
Johnny? What do you mean Barq's has bite? says:
would you like to see her again sometime? would that make you happy?
The Darwin Code says:
Uh, sure, I don't see why not. I mean, I guess it'd give me a chance to ask her 'why?' and other things. What are you getting at?
Johnny? What do you mean Barq's has bite? says:
oh nothing really
The Darwin Code says:
?
Johnny? What do you mean Barq's has bite? says:
but hey, good news. you know how you want to see cassie again? you can. anytime you like. she and i are going out. just come over to my place and you can talk to her. sweet huh?
The Darwin Code says:
...
The Darwin Code has signed out.

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06-08-18

holy diver?


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I hate little kids and their fucking toys.

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This thought came to me the other day when watching Mean Girls at a friends house.

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06-08-16

I might have something for you homo's.

Better hold onto your balls.

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06-08-15

woooooooo-d

?

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woooooooo-d

figured i'd whip off a new comic. i literally whipped this one... straight from the Antarctic on a dog-sled!

get it?

because dog-sleds are propelled via the whip and the dogs or something?

i'm very tired from playingGuitarHEROALLDAY.

go read Triman's comics.

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06-08-10


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06-08-08

Scariest flight ever

In the context that I'm going to watch it, Snakes on a Plane is going to be TERRIFYING...

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Fun time with the tree


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06-08-07

Theory of Change for the Okay






things are changing around the Theory... and i blame Triman! go to our sidebar and click on Randumb-Drawings... you'll see what that dreg of society has been doing to us!

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06-08-01

for Stumpy

according to my research, Mad Max 4: Road Fury, will include Mel Gibson as an old and washed up Max travelling the desert roads and shooting at futuristic robot Jews. they will be called the 'Israel-bots' and will be in control of the last gas station in the wasteland.

Tina Turner WILL be making a return in this movie as the crazy Aunty Entity. also, Bruce Spence will be playing another pilot character in the film. again, completely unrelated to the Gyrocaptain or Jedidiah the Pilot.

also: check this out

this here's just a small bit of what is said:

The report says Gibson then launched into a barrage of anti-Semitic statements: "Fucking Jews... The Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world." Gibson then asked the deputy, "Are you a Jew?"

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